In this world that melts away, I'll continue to love you

6:43PM

6:26PM - new school year

so another school year has started...ya..
i almost didnt come but due to an error that FASA had made, but they got it fix in time for me to come back....
little red has gone off to NC state..her and big red broke up...
i hear two different sides but im picking....its not my place

i cant help to feel like this year is going to be no different then last year...still the werid outcast..still the girl that cant find love...i thought that i hit rock bottom before but now i know i have..i dont find any attractive...i dont know if its me or if the ppl here at pembroke are really that ugly...but no one is good looking to me

i decide not to go back to rotc this year for serveal reasons. one is that i am still out of shape and my knee still bothers me every once in awhile, i want it to be 100% before i go back 2-im not menatlly prepared to go back...that class is alot of work, alot of stress and i wasnt prepared last year...so my melt down began..now i have be tested for bi-polar b/c for some reason i snaped over summer, i want to be able to hanlde the class before i go back
i still havent talked to the MSG torre about this yet, but i am already starting to get werid looks from the other kids...they probally think im a failure....

i think ima cut this short
peace out
shelly

Current mood: bored

5:28PM - srew the girl scouts

I have been a girl scouts for 9 years now....7 as a girl and 2 as and adult....now i have no respect for anyone that works up in the consil...none...all those girls can kiss my ass....

I applied to work at camp b/c i figured i could get the job quickly so i could pay off the bank...well i got the job but edie calls me and tells me that last year i slacked off and that i was late to everything and that serveal of the other consulors put in a complant about me...and that i got the job but this year i better do it right

let me clear things up for that bitch...i busted my ass off...i did not slack off not once..i beilive that she only said that cuz i complaned about her lazy ass work....

so i called her and told her i wasnt taking the job....im not lowering myself like that...i can get a better job here at home were i can get respect and more pay....


i love the girl scouts and i beilive i will continue to work as a vonluteer for events...but i will never ever work for them again like camp...and next time i see edie...im spitting on her....

1:31AM - i think i am

I think i am in love with a guy, i have known him for 4 years now...in higschool i thought it was just a little crush, i really did.....i tired to get over him but i cant....we didnt talk for a year...a few months ago we started takling again...i thought i could talk to him and not feel anything for him but i cant...after i get talking to him in on cloud nine, when i get upset and talk to him my day is better, he is the only guy to make me feel this way...

he knew in higschool that i liked him...but i wasnt his type...plus we would fight on and off..it drove me nuts...he would get upset when i talked to other guys so i would get upset when he dated my friends!!...i really want to tell him how i feel b/c he is in iraq right now and god only know if he will come home alive...he is coming to see me when he comes home, and i was planing on telling him then...

i think he already knows that i still like him...i mean he knows me pretty good. but i think i should re-tell him...all my friends think a relationship could form but i am a skeptic...i dont think so...

so at this moment i dont know what to do with him
right now im just glad i have his friendship back

the school is coming to an end which will mean no comp for me.. :(

well i must be going now
peace out
M.J

2:48PM - bad day

Yesterday was the first day that we could see our books back, i really needed some money, and i really though that some of my books were going to sell. Not only did i not get a dime for it, but the ppl were really rude to me...one of the ladies threw my book back at me and the guys was laughing cuz i didnt get anymoney...
needless to say i broke down and cried...cuz i really needed some cash,i owe the bank alot of money with no way to pay them...i usually dont cry in front of my friends but yesterday i did...plus i had no cigs so my nerses were shot...luckly big red helped me out, he gave me some cash so i could buy some....
so now i have about 7 books in my room...wasting..i think i am going to burn some of them lol..since i have no use for them now....

Michele

Current mood: stressed

2:05PM - moving on

I have decide that after next smester i will be transfering school, i am not telling anyone this cuz i dont want to hear there none senese bull shit..i plan on telling them when i get accpeted into another school and the smester is coming to a close...so far no school has cuahgt my eye, im now looking at schools in virigina and south carolina...

i cant stay in a school were i feel like i dont belong, i shouldnt stay at a school where everyone you turn there are backstabber and ppl who betray you, thats pembroke. they pretend to be your friend and when you turn your back they stab you....

if i have to go to school without an rotc program i will, the army can wait

10:39PM - This happened to me

8th grade
stared at the girl next to me.She was my so called "best friend".I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didnt notice me like that,i knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiSs on the cheek. I wannatell her, i want her to know that i don`t wanna Be just friends, i love her but i`m just too shy, and i don`t know why. .

11th Grade
The phone rang. on the other end it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart.She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so i did. As i sat next to her on the sofa, i stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. after 2 hours,a drew barrymore movie,& 3 bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me,
said "thanks" and gave me a kiSs on the cheek. i wAnna tell her,i want her to know that i don`t wanna be just friends, i love her but im just too shy, and idk wHy

Senior Year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is Sick"she said; he`s not qonna go. well i didnt
have a dAte and in 8th qrade we made a promiSe that if neither of us had dates we would go together
just as "best friends". So we did.

Prom niqht
After everything was over i was standing at her front door step. i stared at her, She smiled at me
I want her to be mine,but she doesn`t think of me like that and i know it. then she said "i Had the
best time,thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. i wanna tell her, i want her to kno that i don`t
want to be just friends, i love her but i`m just too shy,and i don`t kNow why

Graduation Day
a day passed, then a week, then a month.before i could blink, it was graduation day. i watched as her
perfect body floated like an anqel up on staqe to qet her diploma. i wanted her to be mine, but she
didnt notice me like that, and i knew it. before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock
and hat, and cried as i hugged her. then she lifted her head from my shOulder and said, you`re my
best friend,thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the Cheek.i wanna tell her, i want her to know that
i don`t wanna be just friends, i love her but i`m just too shy, and i don`t know why

A Few Years Later
now i sit in the pews of the church. that girl is gettinq married now. i watched her say "i do" and drive
off to her new life, married to another man.i wanted her tO be mine, but she didn`t See me like that
and i knew it. But before she Drove away, she came to me n said you came!" She said. "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. i wanna tell her, i want her tO know that i dont wanna be just friends, i love
her but i`m just too shy, and i don`t know why

Funeral
Years passed,i looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". at the service they
read a diary entry she had wrote in her hiqh school years. This is what it read: i stare at him wishing
he was mine, but he doesn`t notice me like that, and i know it. i wanna tell him, i wAnt him to kno
that i don`t wanna be just friends, i love him but i`m just too shy, and i don`t know why. i wish he
would tell me he loved me . . .i wish i
did too . i thought to mySelf, and i Cried


This made me think of Brad...for those of you who dont know the story (and many of you dont know it all) me and brad were close friends...we never let eachother friends see us hang out b/c we both feared that eachothers friends would not approve...i hung out with the werid kids and brad hung out with the preeps...he was the only guy i trusted...we told eachother things that no one eles knew about us...
well i started to fall for him...i really liked him...but i was to scared to tell him b/c i was scared of regetion...i really thought that he only considered me as a friend....i was planing on tell him
but then i found out he died...it broke my heart cuz i never told him how i felt about him....then a few months later one of his friends pull me aside and told me how brad loved me...but he was too scared to tell me...my only regret in life is not telling him sooner how i felt...i havent found a guy that match Brad, my only hope now is that i will see him in the after life...
i love you brad and i miss you...

Michele

Current mood: depressed

7:11PM - a much need update

so this smester is coming to an end...only about 3 more weeks of school left...
this smester was not as bad as last...last smester i didnt know how to handle my classes, now i do...
i really didnt know how to budget time with friends and now i do
the most imptortant thing i learned in college is just go with it...not to be uptight or always have to know where you are going at all times. The best memories come at unexpected times.
last smester me and steps really didnt get along, i learned that sometimes you just cant be around the same person all the time like me and steps were, now that we are not roomates our friendship is much stronger. This smester ruth is my roomate, though we dont have much in common we get along ok. Next smester i will be rooming with little red and i am looking forward to it. i think we will have lots of fun. my only regret is that i stayed within a circle of friends, some of them are leaving next year so im not sure what i am going to do, but i know that i will make more friends.im glad i survived the first year of college and that i have made plans to come back...next year i am staying in ROTC and i will be going to PT again (yay!!)
im still not sure what i am going to do this summer, i am thinking about working back at camp again....maybe for only a month

peace out
Michele

1:28PM - something neat hhehe

Reply with your name and I'll respond with two of the following:

1. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
2. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.


If I do this for you, you must also post this on your journal.

1:23PM - hehehe

You scored as Willy Wonka. You are Willy Wonka the worlds greatest chocolet maker! </td> Willy Wonka 92% Charlie Bucket 75% Veruca Salt 75% augustus gloop 67% Violet Beauregarde 58% Mike Teavee 42% What character from Charlie and the Chocolate Facotry are you? created with QuizFarm.com

5:23PM

Which Pagan Goddess Are You? by kira_may
Name?
Age?
You are:
You favourite trick:	Appearing in a cloud
Your feeling towards mortals:	Mortals - who needs 'em
When you sleep with mortals, your lover is:
Mortal you'd most like to smite:	Jessica Simpson
Quiz created with MemeGen!

5:22PM

11:57AM

*im always looking for new journal buddies all you have to do is leave a comment tell me about yourself some and i will add u*

<3 shelly

11:07PM

4:06PM

What song makes you happy?	oasis by gackt
What song makes you sad?	Whiskey Lullaby,Brad Paisley
What song makes you want to bang?	I stand alone,godsmack
What cd could you listen to forever?	GC, the young and hopless
What song makes you angry?	The Black Eyed Peas,Hey Mama
What song do you just fucking hate?	Brittany spears, everytime
If you could listen to just one band..what would it be?	godsmack
What song do you love that you would never tell anyone about?	jessica simpson "angels"
What band are you ashamed of listening to..but still do?	The backstreet boys
What song do you play on repeat?	vanilla by gackt
Favorite fast song?	yea by usher
Favorite slow song?	Illness illusion by gackt
What song brings back good memories?	geroge starit "check yes or no"
What song has the best lyrics?	another world gackt
Great cd?	when the sun goes down, kenny chensey
Great band that you think no one knows about?	gackt job
What cd do you love and hate at the same time?	tobey keith "unleashed"
Song you just love for some strange reason?	Maroon 5 ,This Love
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current mood: tired

(comment on this)

5:47PM

4:07PM - happy fucking 4th

Happy 4th of july....my friends page keeps freezing everything i try to access it....fucking comp can go to hell.....i hate it

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST J-ROCKER, GACKT!!!!!!!!!

Current mood: bitchy

Current music: Gackt , the mars album..

3:06PM

How Asian Are You?
Name
Age
Do you know who Gackt or Dir en Grey is?
Your Asian nationality	Japanese
The number of times it took you to realize you were asian	1
Are you really proud to be Asian?	(8) - As I see it, yes. - (8)
You are level of Asianess - 53%
This QuickKwiz by the_spiffster - Taken 1551 Times. </a>

New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

A Visit to the set of Lord of The Rings
Name
Age
Sex	Male Female
You annoyed	Dom
You seduced	Dom
You stalked	Peter
You robbed	Orlando
...of his	Favorite Shirt
This quiz by Cassie1287 - Taken 1142 Times. </a>

Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

Your real age!
Name
Your real age-	160
Do you act your	FALSE
This quiz by Midnight_Sunrise - Taken 3843 Times. </a>

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Current mood: bored

11:45PM - you will be seeing ALOT more of these

I LOVE YOU GACKT!

Current mood: satisfied

Current music: gackt vanilla

8:44PM

Current mood: amused